Archive for ‘adult jokes’

April 14, 2011

>Best of Rajni

>Some Basic Facts to begin with
There is nothing Rajni’can’t

1. Great mystery solved : the missing piece of apple in Apple’s Logo was eaten by Rajnikant!

2. Once Rajnikaant signed a cheque… and the Bank bounced

3. Girl: Kya Tum Mere Ashiq HoBoy: HaGirl: To Phir Muje chand, tare,duniya ki sari daulat-khushiya dooooBoy:Tera Ashiq Hu Rajnikant Ka Beta nahi.:)

4. Micheal Jordan to Rajini: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two
hours. Can you?
Rajini: Rascala, how do you think the earth spins!?]

5. One day Rajnikanth bunked school. Since then it is known as Sunday

6. Rajnikanth was practicing for spelling test. The rough sheet he used is
today known as the oxford dictionary!!

7. Once Rajnikanth was playing Cricket and Rain Stopped due to Heavy Play

8. Once upon a time Rajnikanth used a tooth powder to get strong
teeth….. . . . . . . . . today that powder is used as AMBUJA CEMENT

9. Rajnikant once taught a child how to play hide & seek…
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Today that child is known as

”Osama Bin Laden”

10. Rajnikanth can make calls from his iPod to his iPad…!!!

11. Most hilarious one on Rajnikant:
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Rajnikanth can do loosemotion in slowmotion.:)

12. RECENTLY der was a fight between Rajanikant and a Tiger..

Surprise, surprise…HE ran away from there

Why?

To Save d Tiger..

Only 1411 r left!! ;)

Otherwise u know Rajnikant….

13. Dear Mr. Rajinikanth

Please Switch off your A.C.

Regards
North Indians.

14. WE ALL KNOW THAT BOOST IS THE SECRET OF SACHIN’S ENERGY.
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BUT DO U KNOW?
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THAT,
RAJNIKANTH IS THE SECRET OF BOOST’S ENERGY!!

15. Q: Laughing budhha kise kehte he?

A: Laughing budha wo mota admi he jise Rajanikant ne bachpan me joke sunaya tha..

BECHARA AAJ TAK HAS RAHA HAI….

16. When Rajnikant was a student,

Teachers used to BUNK classes.

17. Breaking news..

Rajni killed a man in Australia ..

“via Bluetooth”

18. Ricky ponting is visiting every church in Australia
only to Thank God that
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….
Rajnikant is not in INDIAN CRICKET TEAM.!!

19. do you know why is there frequent earthquake i japan?
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coz rajnikanth lost his mobile in japan which was in vibrator mode

20. Yestd Rajni adopted 2elephnts,2Camels and 2Horses from zoo..

Do u knw Y??

To Play CHESS..

21. y dont rajnikanth wear a watch?
he decides d time on his own

22. once rajnikanth went to bhopal and ate too much of spicey food and farted and guess what is the day known as-“THE BHOPAL GAS TREGADY”

23. Rajnikant was born on 30 feburary..
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Since then febrary decided not to give this day to anybody else!

24. titanic in tamil climax changed…….rajnikanth swims atlantic ocean in one his girlfriend in the other hand titanic…………………………………………………

25. Look at the sky at 11:00 pm tonight.

You can see RAJNIKANTH.
He is participatng in OLYMPICS high jump,

Don’t miss it…!

26. Rajnikanth can bath with a single drop of water

27. One day Rajnikanth got angry on his sweeper boy ~~

He kiked him so hard that he went flyin with his broom ,,

today dat boy is famous as HARRY POTTER.

28. Why there was no electricity

In mumbai few mins. ago …. ??

…….. BECAUSE RAJNIKANTH WAS CHARGING HIS PHONE !!

29. Galileo used lamp 2 study..
Graham bell used candle 2study..
Shakspeare studied in street light..

But,

Do u know about

RAJANIKANT ?

only agarbatti….!

30. One day a flat chested girl went to Rajnikant & sought help for her problem. Rajni kissed her boobs and today she’s known as Pamela Anderson!

31. Once, while having hookah, Rajnikant blew a few rings of smoke. One of the ring’s went into space..

That ring, is now, the ring of SATURN.

32. All sardars hv decided to offer 500 crores to Rajnikanth as a thank you token for shifting peoples focus from

Sardars

to

Rajnikanth.

33. BREAKIN NEWS-
MJ didn’t die by drugs,
those wer rumours!

He got major heart attack after seeing that he cannot do d dance steps of Rajnikant!!

34. When RAJNIKANT
switches on his AC without closing the door.
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Winter starts in INDIA. !!!

35. NASA Closed. Rajnikanth bought all the Rockets for Diwali…..=))

36. Once a guy winked at Rajnikanth’s wife, Rajni twisted his limbs and broke his eyelid.

We now know him as Baba Ramdev..

37. Once Rajnikanth was playing cricket… He played a defensive shot…now that BALL is called Pluto.

38. Rajanikant knows “Victorias secret”!!!

39. Rajnikant had died 20 yrs ago..death hasn’t built up the courage to tell him yet.

40. Once Rajinikant’s testicles collided with each other-Then what. That was d birth of universe! THE BIG BANG!!!

41. Once Rajinikanth lost his wallet-Since then: D world is facing Recession.

42. Just like a match stick Rajinikanth throws saucer after drinking tea-Silly Nasa call it UFO!!

43. Scientists have finally figured d reason behind d global warming-Rajinikanth had slight fever!!

44. Rajnikanth participated in 100 meter race and obviously he came first…..

But EINSTEIN died after watching that…. …..

LIGHT came second..

45. Rajnikanth can eat just one lays

46. Bermuda Triangle was a square till Rajni went and kicked one of its corners

47. Once Death had ‘near Rajnikant experience’ !
When GOD is shocked he exclaims “Oh my Rajnikaant!”‌

48. Rajnikant knows the exact value of Pi
Rajnikant knows what came first, chicken or egg!!

49. Rajnikanth once donated blood to one man, he’s now known as Superman!

50. “once rajni goz 2 africa 4
shootin…
He piss on a barren land…
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Do u knw wat hapen next…
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“NILE” d longest river in world
originated…

Thanks for all online collaborators for this one :)

November 12, 2010

>difference between your cabin and your BOSSs cabin

>

October 20, 2010

>First Time …

>

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.

She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.

I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.

‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.

Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it.. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ she asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.

As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. ‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few minutes.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’

She asked. I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.

October 8, 2010

>A needy husband

>A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. His wife asks, “What’s that for?”

“It’s for your headache.”

“I don’t have a headache.”

He replies, “Gotcha!”

September 29, 2010

>White woman’s opinion of Indian women & an Indian’s response – Wonderful – must read

>
White woman's opinion of Indian women & an Indian's response. 


Please take a moment and read this. Pretty Deep! Thumbs up to this Indian man.

Enjoy.

It seems that an article was written in Sister 2 Sister magazine by A Caucasian woman who requested a response from Indian men. I'm so glad she got what she asked for (and more)!!! She wrote:

Dear Jamie,

I'm sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Indian male readers.

I am a White female who is engaged to a Indian male-good-looking, educated and loving. I just don't understand a lot of Indian female's attitudes about our relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Indian women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage.

Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly Approached by Indian men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world. If Indian women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don't they look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public. I would like to hear from some Indian men about why we are so appealing and coveted by them.

Bryant Gumbel left his wife of 26 years for one of us. Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius , Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Wesley Snipes… I could go on and on. But, right now, I'm a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us, White women, Because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I'm wrong, Indian men, Let me know.

Thanx-Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA!!!

RESPONSE

Dear Jamie:

I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl.

Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old Indian man. I Graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta , Georgia With a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at A major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I Consider myself to be among the ranks of successful Indian men.

I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why Indian men date white women. Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why Indian men dated white women was because they were considered easy. The Indian girls in my neighborhood were raised in strict homes. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls. Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of brothers date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of  Indian men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our Indian women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses.

Because of this fear, many Indian men look for a more docile woman. Someone We can control.

I have talked to numerous Indian men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women. I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful Indian men date white women.

Brothers like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds, Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong black/Indian women. And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire Indian women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a few. I just don't Want a "Disgusted White girl" to be misinformed, Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember, when Indian Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt , you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs. Read your history!

It was the Indian woman that taught you how to cook and season your food.
It was the Indian woman that taught you how to raise your children.
It was Indian women who were breast feeding and raising your babies during slavery.
It is the Indian woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail.

INDIAN women were born with two strikes against them: being Indian and being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise! It is because of the Indian women's strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could never date anyone except my Indian Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them.

It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and shades that I love them. Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about Indian women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with Indian women.

I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy And envy more so than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin? If you are so proud to be white, then why don't you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous?

I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have What the Indian woman has…

BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can Walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children. Someone who can be my best friend and understands my struggles. I am looking for a soul mate. I am looking for a sister and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill.

No offense taken, none given.

Signed, Indian Royalty

September 21, 2010

>When you experience….

>when you suddenly wake up and experiance…

When you experience….

1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.

Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle

(You are pouring the Drink on your feet).

Cure: Manoueuvre glass until open end is facing upward .


2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.

Cause : You're lying on the floor.

Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.

Cause : You're looking through an empty glass.

Cure: Quickly refill your glass!

4. Symptom : The floor is moving.

Cause : You're being dragged away.

Cure: At least ask where they're taking you!

5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.

Cause : You have your glass on your ear and trying to drink from it !

Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!

6. Symptom : Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.

Cause : You're in the wrong house.

Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

7. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white
 and the music is very repetitive.

Cause : You're in an ambulance.

Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.


June 11, 2010

>Bihar Driving License (Bihar Driving License Application Form)

>

 
 

June 10, 2010

>Men and Difficult Woman

>Men and Difficult Woman

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells
Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the
instructions at the entrance:

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!" There are 6 floors and the value
of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any
item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next
floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building! So, a
woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men have jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads:
Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads:
Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking
and Help with Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help
with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men
on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

It's not over yet, To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner
opens a New Wives store just across the street.

The 1st floor has wives that love sex.

The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited.

May 20, 2010

>in bed :P

>

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…

“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big

unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?”

I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either ….but at least that she knows I’m smarter than her.

February 25, 2010

>"Thing" like a horse

>

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud
hole and is sinking.
He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to
safety.

The chicken runs to the farmer but the farmer can't be found.
So he drives the farmer's BMW 328i back to the mud hole and ties some rope
around the bumper.
He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and
drives forward saving him from sinking.

A few days later, the chicken and the horse were playing in the meadow
again.
This time the chicken fell in the mud hole.
The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.

The horse said,……."I think I can stand over the hole." ……….
So he stretched over the width of the hole and said "grab my "THING" and
pull yourself up."
And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story ……

*
**
***
****
*****
If you have a "Thing" like a horse, you don't need a BMW 328i to pick up chicks.

 

September 22, 2009

>That’s How Maths is Done :D

>

September 14, 2009

>15 of the Strongest Alcoholic Drinks

>

 

Get Drunk Faster: 15 of the Strongest Alcoholic Drinks

Sep 1st 2009

Montage

In every country, as we speak, people are drinking alcohol in order to intoxicate themselves. Certain types of liquor are notorious for the way they affect the drinker. Brandy has a reputation for inducing painful hangovers, while specific liquors, such as Jagermeister, are known as digestives liquor and are meant to be consumed after meals to aid digestion. However, some of the most famous types of liquor are known primarily for their extremely high alcohol content. Some of the world’s strongest alcohols are chemically engineered and produced to severely alter your state of consciousness.

Nihonshu a.k.a. Sake

sake1

Sake is Japanese liquor produced from rice, water, and mold. This alcoholic beverage was first documented in 712 A.D. as it was found in the Kojiki, or Japan’s first written history. Sake is unique because of its multiple parallel fermentation process. This is where starch is converted to sugar, and sugar into alcohol by way of yeast simultaneously; whereas many other alcohols complete one process at a time. While Japanese demand for sake decreases, the worldwide popularity and demand for sake increases. Sake is almost always 30-40 proof, and since alcohol content is exactly half the proof, sake weighs in at 15-20% alcohol per volume.

Southern Comfort

soco1

The recipe to this U.S. neutral grain spirit liqueur is one of grandeur. Beginning with quality bourbon, add one inch vanilla bean, a quarter of lemon, half a cinnamon stick, four cloves, a few cherries and an orange slice. Let ingredients sit for several days and finish with a touch of honey. This fruit spiced whiskey flavored alcohol is a favorite among college campuses across the United States. The alcohol per volume in Southern Comfort ranges from 21-50% making it a versatile crowd pleaser.

Mescal

mezcal1

All of you who have eaten the worm are familiar with Mescal. Produced only from agave plants in Oaxaca, Mexico, this alcohol must meet strict guidelines in order to be mescal. Earth ovens are used in the early processes of cooking down the hearts of the agave plant to produce the liquor. Three classifications of mescal are produced: Anejo, Reposado, and Joven. This liquor is consumed heavily by U.S. tourists while in Mexico, and as for the worm – its name is Hypopta Agavis. Known as the Maguey worm, this species is commonly found on agave plants. The alcohol content of mescal is between 35-40%, rivaling its sister liquor tequila.

Arrack

arrack1

The word arrack is derived from the Arabic word arak, which translates to “sweet” or “strong liquor.” Those who drink arrack commonly agree that the taste is that of a whiskey-rum blend. Distilled from fermented fruits, grain, sugar cane, and the sap of coconut palms arrack is most popular in Sri Lanka, Indonesia, and the Philippines. The proof of arrack differs with each recipe; therefore, the alcohol content varies from 33-50%. Arrack is commonly used in cocktails, and can compliment other beverages such as orange juice and cola.

Vodka

vodka1

Vodka is without question the most popular spirit in the liquor market today. We’re sure you already knew this and have some fuzzy memories of your own experiences with it. This alcohol has low levels of congeners, or impurities, which minimizes the damage of a hangover. For the same reason, vodka is the most versatile liquor when mixing into cocktails. All this can be attributed to vodka being distilled anywhere from 3-7 times before bottling. Created in the grain harvesting areas of Western Russia, Belarus, Lithuania, Ukraine and Poland, the ingredients of vodka are rye or wheat, potatoes, and sugar beet molasses. The alcohol content of vodka varies between 35-50%.

Tequila

tequila1

This spirit is produced from only the blue agave plant grown in the Jalisco regions of Guanajuato, Michoacán, Nayarit, and Tamaulipas. The restrictions upon tequila instructions are linked to the volcanic soil which provides perfect conditions for blue agave growth. Tequila is indeed special liquor, but contrary to popular belief it does not contain any hallucinogenic properties, it’s just a real sloppy drunk. Tequila has five categories including Blanco, Joven, Reposado, Anejo, and Extra Anejo. The difference being age and casking techniques, which can be seen in the hue of tequila going from clear, yellow, amber, and dark brown. Tequila proof is measured between 70 and 110 giving this liquor an alcohol content of 35-55%.

Gin

gin1

Presently, most gin is distilled, produced, and consumed in Europe, the majority of that in the United Kingdom. White grain flavored with juniper berries is distilled at the beginning of the the process. Once done, the grain is distilled again with other botanicals such as anise, angelica root, coriander, saffron and licorice root. The consensus among the majority of folks is that gin smells like pine trees and tastes like rubbing alcohol. This spirit certainly has a reputation, but as a medicinal alcohol not many spirits can match its usefulness. The alcohol content of gin is 40-50% as its potency matches its complexity.

Brandy

brandy1

Brandy is enjoyed in its own special glass called a snifter. Regarded as luxury liquor, this eaux-de-vie has an alcohol content between 36-60%. Brandy is best known for being after dinner drink due to its uncompromising smoothness. The word brandy is derived from the Dutch word brandewijn which translates to “burnt wine.” There are three classifications of brandy: grape, fruit, or pomace. Many of the famous brandies hail from the Cognac region of France such as Courvoisier, Remy Martin, and Hennessy. As delicious as brandy may be, congeners in this alcohol are considerably higher than other spirits therefore resulting in quite the hangover the morning after.

Wild Turkey

wild1

This bourbon whiskey is produced near Lawrenceburg, Kentucky and has an alcohol content ranging from 40-54%. Wild Turkey is nicknamed the “Dirty Bird,” as its reputation proceeds itself as strong liquor. The ingredients used to make Wild Turkey come from across the nation, the barley coming from Montana, the corn from Kentucky and Indiana and the rye coming mostly from North Dakota. In 1995, Wild Turkey released its 101 proof label available only in the United States. Standard bourbons are 80 proof, giving a slight edge to the Turkey for being one of the strongest liquors in its class.

American Whiskey

whiskey

We discussed Wild Turkey, and it’s technically an American whiskey, so why didn’t we group it together with these whiskies? The reason is due to the standard proof of many bourbons being 80, but can reach as high as 120. All bourbon whiskies are aged in charred oak barrels to achieve the flavor and appearance they possess. There are four distinct types of whiskey: single malt, vatted malt, blended grain, and single grain. Evidence suggests that distillation was brought from the Mediterranean region back to the British Isles in the 6th and 7th centuries. Famous brands of bourbon whiskey include Jack Daniels, Evan Williams and Jim Beam.

Scotch Whisky

scotch1

Just as with bourbon whiskey, there are four distinct categories for Scotch whisky. You may have noticed the different spelling: Americans and the Irish spell whiskey with an e, and the Scots spell whisky without an e, just to be difficult. Scotch whisky is one of the slowest aging liquors, as well as one of the most expensive when acquiring rare years. There are six Scotch producing regions in Scotland: Islands, Islay, Campbeltown, Lowland, Highland, and Speyside. Scotch whisky has an identical proof to its American counterparts ranging from 80-136, giving Scotch an alcohol content of 40-68%.

Absinthe

absinthe1

Absinthe is among the world’s most potent and intoxicating liquors. It’s nicknamed “la fee verte” and better known as the Green fairy. Absinthe’s alcohol content ranges from 45-68% and is traditionally green, but can be colorless. Absinthe is anise flavored, and the active chemical thujone can be found in the main ingredient, Artemisia Absinthium, a.k.a. Grande wormwood. Absinthe has been illegal in the United States since 1915 because of its alleged psychoactive effects upon consumers. Absinthe is enjoyed by slowly trickling ice cold water onto a sugar cube placed atop a special spoon that allows the water and sugar to dissolve equally into the absinthe.

Bacardi 151

151

Have you ever been to a party where a watermelon has been cored and soaked in alcohol? If you have, chances are you are familiar with Bacardi 151. The name stems from the proof of the rum, which is 151 providing for an alcohol content of 75.5%. This over-proof rum is used mainly for cocktails, and the infamous “pj” or party juice. Bacardi is the only brand that installs a flame arrester on the bottle due to the high volatility of the alcohol. Popular flaming drinks, such as the B-52, require Bacardi 151 to concoct.

Grain Alcohol

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Due to the extreme alcohol content of 95% grain alcohol, it is illegal to purchase in California, Florida, New York, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, Hawaii, Michigan, Nevada, and Virginia. This liquor is a neutral grain spirit which is relatively low in impurities, which you’ve learned by now, minimizes the effects of what we all know to be a hangover. Grain alcohol has an ugly reputation on college campuses everywhere due to the ease in which alcohol poisoning can occur while consuming it. This spirit has nearly tripled the potency of most alcohols, but finds itself within the same price range. Grain alcohol is without a doubt the strongest spirit available for retail purchase.

Moonshine

shinestill1

At the top of the mountain rests the heavyweight champion of all liquors. Moonshine is produced in unlicensed stills, registers a perfect 100% alcohol content, and can be found in more than 60 countries. Moonshine, hooch, or white lightning can be made from corn meal, sugar, yeast, and water. There are two different types of still that are used to produce moonshine, a still pot and a reflux still. The still pot is more commonly used among shiners for its simplicity and mobility. The reflux still is capable of producing finer quality hooch at faster rates but sacrifices mobility. “Lead burns red and makes you dead” is a famous adage concerning the lead contents of moonshine and how when set ablaze turns red. Moonshine can be flavored with any fruit, and even birch bark to give the hooch a minty flavor.

So, What’ll You Have?

Pick your poison carefully because each type of alcohol will produce a different kind of drunk. Vodka and Tequila are known for sloppy, loose drunkenness. Scotch whisky and bourbons are known for chest-warming heavy-headed buzzes. Rum, brandy, and specifically cognacs are associated with extremely painful hangovers. Alcohol reacts differently to all individuals in regard to their body chemistry. Across the world in many countries friends, family, and acquaintances have been getting hammered the whole time you were reading this article. In an attempt to catch up with them, we’d suggest Long Island Iced Tea.

 

 

 

 


September 10, 2009

>Love / Marriage ?

>

 

 

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?" 
 
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat 

field and choose the biggest wheat and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once & cannot turn back to pick."   
 
The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, 
 
but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later. 

Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is an even bigger 

one waiting for him. 

Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he starts to 

realise that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he 

knew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted. 

So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.   

The teacher told him, ".......this is love......you keep looking for better ones, but 

when later you realise, you have already missed the person....." 

"What is marriage then?" the student asked. 

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn 

field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you 

can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."   

The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to 

repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he 

has picked one medium sized corn that he felt satisfied, and came back to 

the teacher. 

The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn...... you look for 

one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best 

one you get...... this is marriage."   

Always ask the God to give you what you Deserve... 
Not what you
Desire...  

 

 


August 6, 2009

>hilarious adult jokes

>

A cardiologist marries a gynecologist and were blessed with twin girls. Guess what they name them – Angina and Vagina.

Two sperms are swimming really hard and one asks, “Are we almost at uterus?.” “Nah!” says the other, “we just passed the tonsil”.

A prostitute goes to deposit a $100 bill in a bank. The teller
says, “Sorry, madam, the note is fake”. “Oh no!” exclaimed the
prostitute, “I have been raped”.

A woman gave birth to six babies and on seeing this she got out off hospital bed and slapped her husband and shouted, “I told you not to go doggy style”.

Man went to the chemist to buy one fourth Viagra. Chemist said that it would be useless. Man said, “I am 70, sex is out of question, I just want to stop peeing on my shoes”.

Secretary said publicly that you have a small penis, would you comment on this? “The truth is that she has a big mouth”.

A Japanese girl accidentally lets out a big fart after making
love. She said, “Aww, so sorry… exkooz me pleazo,Front hole so happy back hole laugh out loud”.

What is common between a swimming pool and a wife – for both we pay high maintenance for the little time we spend in them.
Love is a complicated machinery.But sometimes all you need is a good screw to fix it.

Sex is like a card game. If you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

What’s the difference between biology and sociology?
When the baby looks like his dad or mom, the it is biology.
When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology.
What is the useless piece of flesh attached to the penis called – The Man.

Whoever first said that “A dog is man’s best friend” had never
seen a pussy before.

Why is breast milk good for health?
Because it is great for blood circulation, provides heat, is
refreshing and comes in attractive containers.

Dracula asked God, “May I be reincarnated as a white angel with wings and still suck blood?” God said, “Okay, I will turn you into a sanitary pad”.

Why was two-piece bikini invented?
To separate meat section from the dairy section.

All men are terrorists. They always attack women on their twin
towers and destroy their pentagon.

Man was lying nude on the beach. A sexy babe starts playing tabla on his butt.
Man: What are you doing?
Girl: Playing tabla. Man turns over and says, “Can you play
flute?”
Mother was scolding the daughter,
“I don’t like the guy you are going out with. He is too dumb”.
“No, momma,” she said, “He is going to be a doctor and he has
already cured me of that illness that I used to have every month”


August 3, 2009

>Nishal & Kavya – Divorce In the view of a software engineer

>


Software engineer Decides…

Probable reasons:

1) When Nishal tried to install the o/s in the new system using his pen drive, he found that the system has already been installed with Dileep XP, Lalettan XP, Lal Jose XP, etc. and message displayed “Lot of o/s already installed No more o/s installation possible, Try to reboot the system”

2) When Nishal tried to insert pen drive into the new system he found that there is no USB port fitting the dimension of the pendirve, system displayed message ” No USB port available , all USB converted to DVD Drive, insert only bigger size disks” and system restarts every time when tries the same showing same message.

3) When Nishal uncovered the new machine his pen drive emitted a sticky fluid and became useless and no more readable for that day, pen drive seems to be Chinese made battery always leaking, , this repeated for almost a month and the system decided to seek another user who doesnt spend easily

4) Nishal’s software never becomes hardware!!!! !


July 31, 2009

>malayalam Serial Actress-SABITHA BETTI

>

sexy tv cum movie actress.. in a "different sexy avatar" little clothes showing all

July 10, 2009

>Enjoy pannedu!!!…specially to tamil friends :D

>

One of the most hilarious stories. No offence.

 

Iyengar Boy – "Mom, I've decided to get married."

The Seshadhris were only too ecstatic to hear these words pop out of

their elder son's mouth, yet afraid at the same time. After all, their son did

study in the United States for 3 years and from what they heard from

their neighbors, the States "do things" to perfectly normal sons. What if he

wanted to marry a white girl? The blasphemy! How would they ever explain

to their relatives?

"Indian no?" Mrs. Seshadhri asked, nervously.

"Iyengar…."

"Oh thank god! Chamathu da nee. We'll see the girl tomorrow! And I'll

have to call all our relatives to inform them. Ha! First I'll call your

aththai.

Her son went to the states and ended up with one of those…Punjabi a?

Ya, Punjabi-o ennavo. But my son? Chamatha Iyengar ponnu paathutaan."

"Amma…"

"What? I know I'm getting excited but it's not everyday your son gets

married! First ponnu paakanum. Give me her address."

"I can't give the girl's address."

"Why not? "interrupted Mr.Seshadhri. "Is it because they don't know its

okay, we'll convince them"

"No, it's because there is no girl"

"Ennada solrey?" chorused the parents.

"I am in love with an Iyengar, yes. But it's not a girl. It's a boy"

Silence.

"Is this some kind of TV show? Is some shanniyan going to come with a

camera and say all this is some joke? I know! Vijay TV-la Simbhu is

doing something like this. He's going to come now, isn't he?"

"No mom, nobody's behind your almirah. This is real. I want to get

married to him and him only"

"This is not normal, you know that?"

"Appa, who're you to say that it's not normal? How do you know that it

isn't normal? I want to get married to him and that's the end of it" and

he stormed out of the room.

The Seshadhris were appalled, and did what any other parents would do

when presented with such a private confession. They called the entire family

over to discuss it.

Mamas, Mamis, Thathas, Paatis, Chithappas, Chiththis, Aththais,

Athimbers, Perippas, Perimmas and a motley crew of cousins promptly assembled to

exchange their views over filter coffee and masala vadais.

"Enna kodumai Seshadri idhu"

"This is not the time to joke; it's a very serious issue pa. Namma

community-la this is just not done"

"Are you sure about this? I mean was he joking?"

"Will anybody joke about things like this? Avan serious-a dhaan irukaan.

He's gay."

"Amma Amma, what's a gay?" interrupted 6 year old Achu, loudly.

Silence.

"Sshhh, Achu. Go play outside with Kichu." said his visibly embarrassed

mother.

Achu promptly ran outside hollering KICHU! GAY-NA BAD WORD DA!

"Kids"

"Yea. I'm hoping he gets a girlfriend soon."

"Shree, he's 6"

"The earlier the better. And I'm so not sending him to the US"

"Not everyone turns out like that. My son married a perfectly nice girl.

Enna, she's Punjabi. But very nice girl."

"You know she has a beard, right?"

"Oh please! At least she's a girl."

"Enough enough. This is not about her daughter-in-law's beard. Idhu

konjam serious-aana matter."

"Yes yes. There are so many fundamental complications Like if this

marriage does go on, who gets to be the Maapla veedu?"

"Chechu make it clear to them that we will be the groom's house. We will

demand our rights"

"Hey, who gets to tie the thaali?"

"Will there even be a thaali?"

"Maybe they'll tie a golden poonal around him"

"One more doubt. The girl usually sits on her father lap when they tie

the thaali. Does this mean that the son sits on his mothers lap? How does

that work exactly?"

"Yea! And then usually the girl wears that special koora-podavai before

she ties the knot. Do we have to get this guy a koora-veshti?"

"Atleast you'll save on all those silk saris."

"And that Mehndi thing. Unless your son wants it, of course"

"Hahahaha! Thats so g…nothing"

An uncomfortable silence followed, but was swiftly interrupted by the

Periappa.

"Come to think of it, that golden poonal will weigh a lot"

"Does your future…err son-in-law cook?"

"Aiyo! Don't call him son-in-law! I don't even want this to happen!"

"Maybe you should do that. Vidaatha. Then he'll come around"

"No way, then he'd elope. Odi poyiduvaan!"

"Thats not good for the family name."

"Thu! As if marrying a boy is very honorable."

"And besides, eloping-na, usually the girl runs away, gets a baby and

then only gets accepted back in the household. This is how it is in all Tamil

padams"

"Ok, but how the heck is these guys going to get a baby?"

"My point exactly, so they won't elope"

"Which is worse. What if they get together like those villains in

Vettaiyaadu Villaiyaadu?"

"Aiyo! That's a movie about homosexual psychopaths! You're son is too

sensitive for that. He cried in the climax of Kabhi Khushi Kahi Gham,

for heaven's sake!"

"Appovve we should have noticed…"

"You think there's some kind of homeopathy treatment for this? Or

Ayurveda? Some kashayam or something?"

"No no, it's a state of mind. No kashayam can cure it"

"Or should we send him to a psychiatrist?"

"Illa. Those psychiatrists are Peter parties. They'll end up

brainwashing us about how we are educated and must accept him the way he is"

"Adhaan pannanum" said Mr.Seshadhri, finally.

The entire household went mute.

"You mean…we have to get him married? To that…that boy?"

"Yes"

"Only then, he'll be happy."

"Aiyo sentiment thaangamudiyila"

"My decision is final. I'll go call him and find that other boy's

number. I have plenty to talk to his parents."

 The household watched him go with a rather stern resolve in absolute

silence. The only sound was the jowku-jowku of Paati eating Vadai.

"Enna paati? What do you think?" said one of the cousins, finally

breaking yet another uncomfortable silence.

"Ennadhaan payyana love pannaalum, atleast Iyengar payyana paathu love

pannane, adhuve porum."

April 8, 2009

>South African Airways!!!!

>

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters.

They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom
was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made
them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words
on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The
card said nothing but: "Nescafe"!

Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the
Nescafe jar.

 It said: "Good till the last drop".

Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and
the card read: "Rothmans"

Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read
from the pack: "Extra long. King Size"

 She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mom waited for a
week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a
whole month, a card finally arrived.

Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "South African
Airways"

Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing
the worst, and finally found the ad for SAA.

The ad said: "Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

 Mom fainted!!!!

December 17, 2008

>Does She Love You?

>

Have a question? Need some advice? Ignored by everyone else? Send The Morning News staff your questions via email. The Non-Expert handles all subjects and is updated on Fridays, and is written by a member of The Morning News staff.

* * *

Question: How do I know if a girl loves me or not? —Ajay

Answer: If one night you go out drinking and end up back at her place, pass out together on the bed with your shoes on, and wake up a few hours later only to discover that you’ve peed the bed, which she takes in stride, changes the sheets, and then the next morning has a laugh about it, later leaves some pamphlets from the local health clinic about child bedwetters in your mailbox, and eventually after a few weeks tells your friends but never, ever tells hers: She loves you.

If she knows what song is coming next on the mix CD you made her: She loves you.

If she hides your shoes when you’re late for work, and from a supine position on the couch plays “Hot/Cold,” and, finally, after 15 minutes of you ignoring her screaming, “Boiling! Burning up!” every time you stalk angrily by the dishwasher, gets up, flips it open to reveal the shoes, sitting there among the plates, and hands them over with a kiss and a giggle, and then laughs some more as you tie your laces in a silent rage: She loves you.

If she calls you at work that day to ask, “How are those shoes working out?”: She loves you.

If when you get home you try to hide something of hers, she finds it immediately, shaking her head, and when she pulls whatever it is—oven mitts or stretch pants—from behind the couch, she looks at you and without any attempt to hide her pity, says, “I love you”: She loves you.

If you’re Gael Garcia Bernal: She loves you.

If you’re not Gael Garcia Bernal, but you’re willing to sit through a “GGB” marathon and agree for 10 consecutive hours that he is indeed the most beautiful and talented man alive—and so down-to-earth, too!—and afterward agree that his portrayal of Che Guevara would have earned an Oscar nod were it not for the implicit politics, agree that taking Spanish classes is a great idea, or salsa, or tango, whatever, agree, agree, agree, and that night lying in bed after sex that ends with her screaming, “Si! Si!” wonder aloud, “But you’re happy with me, right?”: She loves you, man—no one can compete with that Latin bastard. Forget about it.

If she puts up with an entire Stars of the Lid album on a long-distance road trip: She loves you.

If she dances with your friends: She loves you.

If at Halloween you’re invited to a TV- and movie-themed party and she dresses up as Winnie Cooper and you dress up as Paul Pfeiffer, mainly because you already have the glasses, and at the party some guy who’s a dead ringer for Fred Savage saunters up, peels off his mole, and says, “Get lost, Paul, Winnie’s mine,” and you’re left standing there while the two of them go off dancing to the soundtrack from Forrest Gump, and when two hours later she finds you sitting by the punch bowl explaining for the umpteenth time that, no, you’re not supposed to be Woody Allen, she holds up a tie stolen from a passed-out Alex P. Keaton to her petticoat and redubs herself Annie Hall, and you Alvy Singer: She loves you. And, to be honest, I sort of love you, too.

If she’s a zombie: She loves you, but only for your brains.

If she says, “I love you” on the roller coaster, right after you’ve puked down your shirt: She loves you.

If you go to a karaoke bar with friends and do a duet of “Endless Love,” and she insists on doing the Lionel Richie part if only so she can really belt out a big “Ooh whoa” near the end, and when you’re done she announces you to the crowd as “Miss Diana Ross, everybody,” and then gives you a high-five: She loves you.

If she plays pointedly with strangers’ babies at the park, intermittently looking over to you with an expression that says, “See?”: She loves you.

If her parents love you: She loves you, probably.

If her parents hate you: She might love you, too.

If she’s the youngest of four sisters, two of whom are lesbians, the third a nun, and the first time you meet her father he pulls you away from his wife’s gingersnaps and homemade iced tea to check out the vintage “titty mags” he keeps hidden underneath a bench in the six-by-four corner of the basement he calls his workshop, the only place in the house not painted lavender and decorated with images of kittens and/or sunflowers, and every few pages he points out a particularly luxuriant pubis, and when you concur—“Sweet”—he smacks you heartily on the back and before you know it he’s calling you “Son” and have you ever fished for pike up north? Because he’s got a cabin. What of this? Well, her dad sure as hell loves you. Welcome to the family!

If she ever says the words, “I hate you”: She loves you. Or she did at one point, anyway.

If she loves you, if she really loves you, you’ll know it. If you can wake up to her staring at you and it’s not even mildly creepy, if you catch her smelling the shoulder of the hooded sweatshirt you lent her for an autumn walk at the beach, and not for B.O., if she makes you a pancake in the shape of a shark, if she calls you drunkenly at four in the morning “to talk,” if she laughs at your jokes when they’re funny and makes fun of you when they’re not, if she keeps her fridge stocked with Guinness tallboys for when you come over, if she tells you how she wishes she were closer to her sister and that her dad makes her sad: She loves you, of course she loves you.

And with a love like that, you know you should be glad.

—Published September 23, 2005

November 21, 2008

>Michael Jackson ‘converts to Islam’

>

Michael Jackson ‘converts to Islam’

14:00 AEST Fri Nov 21 2008

ago

By ninemsn staff

Michael Jackson 'has converted to Islam'. (AAP)

Michael Jackson ‘has converted to Islam’. (AAP)


Financially-challenged pop superstar Michael Jackson has converted to Islam, according to reports.

The Sun claims Jackson, 50, donned traditional Islamic garb while pledging allegiance to the Koran in a private ceremony in Los Angeles.

The singer was raised a Jehovah’s Witness and biographers claim the contradiction between the sect’s strict teachings and the sexual activities of Jackson’s father and brothers while on tour contributed to his eccentric character and alleged paedophilic leanings.

It was reported music industry figures and Muslim converts David Wharnsby and Phillip Bubal guided Jackson through his conversion, for which he chose the Islamic name Mikaeel.

1970s pop star Cat Stevens — now known as Yousef Islam — joined the celebrations after the ceremony.

The Sun also claims Jackson now prays in a chapel in the home Hollywood Hills home of Toto keyboard player Steve Porcaro, who composed music on the singer’s top-selling Thriller album.

The reported conversion comes ahead of Jackson’s court appearance next week in an $11 million lawsuit brought by Prince Abdulla Al-Khalif of Bahrain.

The sheik claims he backed the singer in anticipation of a recording contract that was never fulfilled.

Jackson was recently forced to sell his extensive California estate Neverland to pay some of his debts.

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